Pillars of Holistic Sexuality: Intro to Sensuality

At the root of it, many of us long for deeper connections with ourselves and others. And if that ends in better sex too, that wouldn’t be a bad thing! So few of us know how or where to start when we know we want better for ourselves, and getting started may feel awkward, intimidating or even shameful, but taking the first step is crucial. 

My work is to make everything after the first step as easy as possible. To hold your hand through self-development, sex ed, relationship training, and learning your unique brand of sexuality. 

In my work, I use the term “holistic sexuality” to describe my model for developing self-understanding in the context of sex and sexuality. What I have found, however, is that holistic sexuality doesn’t need to start with sex (and actually probably shouldn’t!). And the benefits of exploring your holistic sexuality reach far beyond the bedroom. 

My book, A New Position on Sex: A Guide to Greater Sexual Confidence, Pleasure, and Authenticity, explores my nine pillars of holistic sexuality. I’ll briefly describe these pillars, and then do a deep dive into how you can explore and apply one of them in your life, starting today. 

Nine pillars of sexuality 

1. Sensuality

2. Wellness and Fertility 

3. Pleasure

4. Desire 

5. Acts and Interests 

6. Intersecting Identities 

7. Power and trauma

8. Relationship 

9. Connection 

In addition to these nine pillars, foundational to them all, is the concept of agency. Agency is the heart of holistic sexuality. 

Some of these pillars are likely familiar to you. For example, wellness and fertility is the focus of most sex ed curriculum in the U.S. It encapsulates your understanding of anatomy and reproduction – the “nuts and bolts” of sex, if you will. It then goes beyond to include how you can best take care of your body at any age, sexually and beyond. Acts and interests, the fifth pillar, involves the kinds of sex acts and people that you are attracted to, or that turn you on. Each pillar involves so much more than meets the eye and offer layers of learning that you can return back to as time passes. 

The order of the pillars is intentional, too. When I guide someone through the content of my course Revealed, the one that my book is built upon, I always follow this flow. It’s important to titrate the learning little by little, to build confidence in yourself as you progress through the pillars, and to find your own agency along the way. Let’s explore the gist of the first pillar together so you can get a sense of what this work is all about. 

Sensuality 

Before this work, my idea of sensuality was tied to a specific type of woman – someone confident, desirable, with hair to her waist, braless, wearing a flowy dress paired with sandals – this was certainly not me. Thinking about my own sensuality was an awkward, blind date kind of feeling and I couldn’t have felt more out of touch with who I was as a sensual being. 

Decades later, I know that my old idea of sensuality was just one, limited version of sensuality – and that there are as many versions of sensuality as there are people on the planet. Yes, that means you, too! 

Sensuality is all about pursuing, noticing, experiencing, and expressing the body’s senses. This can either be pleasurable or not. Your sensuality refers to your five senses—smell, touch, hearing, taste, and sight—and the ways in which they tie you to the present moment. We are all sensual because we experience the world through senses. Sensuality is a key component of holistic sexuality because it is a gateway to mindfulness. And mindfulness is a pathway to accessing your truest essence. 

Exploring sensuality 

Purposefully connecting to our senses can help us learn how to find pleasure, how to be present during sexual connection and communicate our preferences with our partner–opening up our access to more pillars. 

Here are some practices that I have used for myself and my clients to develop more mindfulness and more awareness of sensuality. I hope these practices inspire you to want to learn more about yourself and allow you to begin to enact your sexual agency. 

• Focus on one sense at a time. This could be in all different kinds of situations – blindfold yourself and eat a few different foods, walk amongst a fragrant flower garden, or try on different fabrics in the dressing room at a store. Ask yourself, “What do I like? What don’t I like? What turns me on? What doesn’t turn me on?” 

• Identify your sensuality style. For some people, sight is central to their sensuality. Others might be more aligned with sounds or smells. For me, touch is a critical part of my sensuality. This plays out in different ways in my life. For example, I love the feeling of someone brushing my hair or massaging my scalp -- in or outside of a sexual context. 

I invite you to experiment with your own sensuality style. Are you drawn to touch, sight, sounds, smells, tastes? If you are drawn to sounds, for example, what kinds of sounds do you like most (your “yums”)? What kinds of sounds repel you (your “yucks”)?  

• Incorporate your unique sensuality into your daily life. Once you find sensory experiences that you love and that bring you pleasure, find ways to incorporate these into your daily life outside of sex and relationships. 

If smell is a dominant aspect of your sensuality, is there a perfume or room spray that you can use daily? If you gravitate to sounds, can you create a playlist with genres and artists that speak to you? If you prefer touch, are there certain fabrics and feelings you can incorporate into your daily life?

There are as many versions of sensuality as there are people on the planet–so, what’s your unique brand of sensuality? 

Editor’s note: Dr. Juliana Hauser’s new book, A New Position on Sex: A Guide to Greater Sexual Confidence, Pleasure, and Authenticity, is out now. You can buy your copy here and explore all nine pillars of holistic sexuality in full.