Everything You Need To Know About Lubes and Why Spit Is Always A Bad Idea

You don’t need to be sexually active to know that, in most cases, wetter is better. After all, what’s a Slip ‘N Slide without a water hose to keep things running smoothly? It’s a friction burn that’s going to put you out of commission for quite a bit, that’s what. 

Sure, penetrative sex without lube won’t have you running to the ER with second-degree burns.  But when you do use lube, you can ensure comfort and pleasure for both partners. 

If you’ve never used lube, it can be difficult to know where to start. Because of that, let’s unpack the mysterious world of personal lubricants so you never have to wonder what, why, and how again—at least not when it comes to lubrication.

Not all lubes are the same. In fact, there are three different types: water-based, silicone-based, and oil-based. 

“For anyone who wants to keep it simple, go with a water-based lubricant,” says queer sex educator and journalist Gabrielle Kassel. “Water-based lubricants are compatible with all toys, all barriers (including latex condoms), and will not stain your sheets.” 

If it weren’t for the fact that water-based lubricants absorb so quickly into the skin, resulting in the need to reapply, one might say water-based lube is the perfect lube—relatively speaking. 

“The absorbability of water-based lubricant can be especially noticeable during hand jobs on a penis, as well as during penetrative anal sex, as neither the penile shaft or anal canal self-lubricate in the same way the vaginal canal can,” says Kassel.

If you don’t have any silicone toys that need to be protected and prefer something that lasts longer before being absorbed, then silicone-based lube is a great choice. 

“It’s thicker than water-based lubricant, offering an almost ‘pillow-y’ cushion when applied,” says Kassel. “Its thickness makes it an especially good option for anal play (with non-silicone toys), as application can help provide a comforting barrier between the delicate anal tissues and whatever body part or ABS-plastic, stainless steel, or glass sex toy is being inserted.” 

But where one’s love affair with silicone-lube might get complicated is in just how few toys, especially anal toys, are made from silicone. As Kassel explains, silicone is a material that sticks to itself, meaning that to use silicone-lube with silicone toys will warp and eventually destroy the product. Considering how pricey high-end, luxury silicone toys can be, this is definitely something you want to avoid.

When it comes to lube, oil-based is a tricky one to get behind. While these lubes typically have a natural base like almond oil, coconut oil, aloe vera, or olive oil, in general, oil can be problematic in terms of sex. 

“Oil-based lubricant should not be used with latex barriers as oil degrades latex, creating microscopic tears that are not visible to the eye that infectious pathogens and sperm can enter, making the barrier less effective at protecting against both unwanted pregnancy and STI-transmission,” says Kassel. If that weren’t enough, oil is going to stain your sheets and any other fabric that might be within reach.

Once you have figured out what type of lube is right for your toys and your sex acts, the next step is finding out what lube is best for you and your body. Although people with penises don’t have to concern themselves too much about potential irritants, those with vulvas need to consider products that might disrupt their vagina’s pH balance.

“While all substances, even natural ones, have a chemical composition, some ingredients in lubricants are best avoided for intimate health,” says Elsa Viegas, CDO and co-founder of Bijoux Indiscrets. According to Viegas, the three ingredients that should give you pause (and make you put it back on the shelf) are propylene glycol, chlorhexidine, and glycerin.

“Propylene glycol is a synthetic alcohol that can cause irritation, while chlorhexidine is known for disrupting the delicate vaginal microbiome, killing beneficial bacteria, and potentially leading to pH imbalance and infections,” says Viegas. Although glycerin may seem harmless since it's a common ingredient used in a lot of products, when it comes to vaginal health, it’s not a good idea—especially if you’re prone to yeast infections. Glycerin is a sugar alcohol that won’t only encourage bacterial growth, but basically launch a yeast party in your vagina. “I'm a big fan of ‘less is more,’ so the less ingredients the better,” says Viegas. “If you can understand what each ingredient is, even better. A bit like what happens with food labeling and ingredients, if it exists in nature, eat it.”

Ingredients that you should be aware of, in a good way, are lactic acid, aloe vera, and hyaluronic acid. “Lactic acid supports our body in restoring a healthy pH balance in our intimate area, reducing the risk of vaginal infections, and aloe vera is both a calming and hydrating ingredient,” Viegas. But the ingredient that you should really want in your lube is hyaluronic acid. “It’s the hydrating ingredient,” says Viegas. “Not only does it retain a lot of water keeping the tissues well hydrated and elastic, but it also improves the quality of the skin, improving its regeneration ability.” 

Lastly, Viegas points out that you should always choose a lube that respects your vagina’s pH balance. Unless you’ve gone through menopause, vaginal pH levels should be between 3.8 and 4.5.

Now that you’ve been properly inundated with lube knowledge, you might be wondering why spit as lube is a bad idea. Two words: STI transmission. But that’s just the beginning.

According to a 2021 study published in Sexual Medicine, spit isn’t just some harmless bodily fluid, but one that’s home to pathogens that can provide a direct road to STI transmission via anal sex. When people engage in anal intercourse, there’s a good chance that damage can occur to the rectal tissue, therefore making the bloodstream vulnerable to any incoming bacteria and infections by way of spit.

While vaginal penetration may not be as at risk for STI transmission when using spit as lube, it can disrupt the vagina’s microbiome. Spit contains billions of bacteria and these bacteria present a challenge to the vagina’s natural balance, leading to possible infections. It’s also worth noting that spit doesn’t even lubricate for longer than a hot second. “Saliva dries out far quicker than any store-bought lubricant (including water-based lubricant), and does not have the slippery consistency of store-bought lubricant,” says Kassel.

Lube should always be part of any sexually active person's arsenal. And now that you basically have a PhD in personal lubricants, you no longer have a reason not to use them or use them incorrectly.