Picture this: You’re getting it on with someone you find really hot, and you’re very turned on. Sooo… why aren’t you getting wet? Maybe your mind starts racing to the worst-case scenario: Something is wrong with you. Or maybe you want to reach for that bottle of slippery goodness in your nightstand, but the thought of “My partner will get offended” comes to mind.
All of this? Well, it turns out, it’s completely normal. With cultural conditioning around “natural wetness,” internalized shame, and the myth that needing lube equals something’s wrong with you, more women than not ditch using lube as an effort to save face.
But lube makes sex better, right? So, why are so many women embarrassed to use it?
According to research, only an estimated 62 percent of American women report having used personal lubricant at some point in their lives, with six percent admitting that they’d feel embarrassed to do so, because it should only be for “older women.” Still, in 2025, we’re living in a world where lube use isn’t just taboo, it’s actively thought of as being not needed, not wanted, and more importantly, not sexy.
As a sex writer, on my recent trip to Amsterdam to attend the leading sex-tech conference Erofame with pjur — a company that’s been talking about lube since before it was cool to openly talk about sex, AKA nearly 30 years! — I decided to find out what’s really driving the shame behind lube, and more importantly, how to break free from it.
In conversation over coffee with Alexander Giebel, the founder of pjur, my suspicions around the stigma of lubricants were confirmed: they are, in fact, still alive and well. But they don’t have to be.
“It’s not about getting wet,” Giebel tells me while chatting at their Erofame booth. “It’s about getting another feeling. It’s getting a different comfort… It’s helping you to come in the right mood.”
All you have to do is know how.
The Taboo Around Lube
Time and time again, we women have been told that our worth lies in two things: Making babies and getting married. It’s not just about who we can get in bed, but who we can get to marry us, and, of course, how wet we are when we get there.
But where does that messaging come from? Well, it could be that we shouldn’t “need” any help getting wet, or the endless locker room jokes about being tied down, or the time our ex-boyfriend complained when we suggested using lube, or even the chat around post-menopausal women and what we’ll eventually turn into. No matter where we got the message, though, the point is that it’s out there. And it’s very real.
For many women, especially those in cis-het relationships, the gap in using lube vs. not is not dissimilar to that of the famous orgasm gap — better known as the concept of one partner, usually a male, always having an orgasm, while the female partner does not. Perhaps it wouldn’t be such a wild idea, then, that lube could help close it.
“When [women] haven't used lube, it’s exactly what you say,” Giebel said. “They say, ‘We don’t need that.’ But how can you say you don’t need it if you’ve never tried it?”
The very understanding of using lubricant, he adds, is to increase the quality of your sex life. To let you feel whatever you do, but more intensely. More comfortably. And who wouldn’t want that?
“We want to increase your quality, your feeling, your intensity. And you decide how much lube you use for that,” he says.
The Science of Slide: Why Lube is Actually Good For You
So, whether you’re stuck in the taboo of lube or you’re beginning to be curious about it, just know: Lube is actually good for you.
According to research, using lube has been shown to improve women’s sexual health and wellness overall. Think: more comfort, less friction, smooth glide, playful touch and more. Studies also show that it can improve pleasure and reduce pain for folks of all genders. Even better, it’s been found that certain lubes can help lower the rate of condom failure.
“People sometimes don’t have in mind that it’s just about moisture,” Giebel shares, “But lube is about so much more.”
Giebel, who has innovated over 60 products in the lubricant space and is sold in over 70 countries across five continents, knows a thing or two about making a lube that doesn’t just feel good, but does good.
For example, it can even be used for medical purposes. One product, called pjur Med Sensitive, was actually used in research with the Royal Women’s Hospital in Melbourne for post-breast cancer care. What’s more? There are even dermatologist-approved lubes made just for hypersensitive people, too.
“We can be medical sexy too,” Giebel jokes.
Lube in Relationships: How To Get Your Partner On Board
Are you feeling ready to try it out for yourself? Whether you’re solo or partnered, it’s never too late to try it for yourself. And while you might be nervous about what your partner might think — like maybe you’re worried about your partner seeing lube as a comment on their performance — there are easy and helpful ways to approach the topic.
Start with something simple, like a massage.
“Everybody likes massages. You can use a silicone lube for that, it’s not sticky,” Giebel said. “Maybe you start with a sensual massage, and then your partner will say, ‘Wow, that’s not a bad feeling at all.’”
Other ways to approach it, of course, is to simply have an open and honest conversation. Like, “I’m interested in trying this,” or “I think this will really make our pleasure even better.”
You might also suggest trying out a few products that might be good for him or her — or anyone of any gender, really. Sometimes, the excitement of novelty can really get someone interested in trying something new. The bottom line is, anyone who cares about you truly will care about your pleasure and comfort. It’s as simple as that.
“It all starts with a good feeling,” Giebel said. “Then folks can understand that [lube] is about increasing the quality of intimacy, not only moisturizing.”
The Future is Slippery (In The Best Way)
It’s hard to describe the feeling of being a sex writer on a Euro Trip, while having coffee in the middle of a sex-tech conference, and asking the question, “Is using lube still taboo?” But the reality is, for many women in the world, it is.
Our work here is not finished. Folks like myself, and the team at pjur, are continually working hard so that you, and even your partners can finish. All while being comfortable, feeling confident, and, of course, feeling good.
Because as women in 2025, we deserve to own what makes us feel sexy. And it turns out, talking about lube might be the sexiest thing of all.