Apparently, getting a man to message first now requires a product feature.
Upward, the Christian dating app owned by Match Group, has relaunched with a broader pitch for marriage-minded singles—and a Chivalry Mode that encourages men to make the first move. There’s also a Marriage Timeline, so you can compare wedding ambitions before learning whether he asks a single follow-up question.
Launched in 2020, Upward is expanding beyond its original Christian audience to welcome people who prioritize commitment, marriage and family. Its new Core Values section puts those priorities on profiles upfront. When both daters opt into Chivalry Mode, he is encouraged to message first; she can respond or “politely unmatch.” Apparently, even rejection has a dress code.
Match is betting there’s a market for this. Its 2026 Singles in America survey found that 72% of Gen Z singles want to marry, while about one in four singles ages 18 to 34 identify with traditional values around family, faith and community. Those are the company’s findings—and the foundation of its sales pitch.
But wanting a husband and wanting traditional gender roles are separate preferences. A wedding deadline doesn’t tell you who expects to do the dishes.
The early experiences described in WIRED suggest that distinction matters. Adreanna Pulliam, a 25-year-old opera singer, encountered men whose politics leaned heavily conservative. Another user, a social work student identified as Tauti, left within 48 hours, put off by what she saw as the app’s conservative majority.
Other details complicate the marriage-first branding. According to WIRED, users can list their body type, and married people are allowed on the app. Some longtime Christian users, meanwhile, worry that broadening the audience weakens the experience they originally signed up for. Upward declined to disclose its active-user count.
Daniel Cox, author of Generation Uncoupled and director of the Survey Center on American Life, told WIRED that interest in marriage doesn’t necessarily signal a wholesale return to traditional courtship. Some daters, he argued, want clearer expectations—a script for a dating culture that often leaves everyone improvising.
He also questioned how much the 72% figure reveals about generational differences. Younger singles are more likely to be considering a first marriage; older singles may already have tried it. Match says its survey sampled 5,000 unpartnered adults and was demographically representative of the U.S. Census.
There’s an obvious appeal to knowing whether a match wants marriage before spending six months decoding “let’s see where this goes.” But a man sending the first message tells you who opened the conversation. The rest of his values still require one.